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Thursday, August 14, 2003
so where've I gone? try here
posted by Elaine at Thursday, August 14, 2003
Wednesday, July 10, 2002
The Call of the Wild
This morning at work, I was exiting the bathroom stall when I noticed that one of the taps was left running. Instinctively, I removed the piece of paper blocking the sensor and proceeded to wash my hands. That’s when it hit me. How could a piece of paper get up and travel down an entire row of sinks only to land directly in front of the sensor? Secondly, why would someone purposefully leave the tap running? Instantly, it hit me. On an old Oprah episode I recalled her having mentioned that whenever she’s at a guest’s house, she’d leave the tap running so as to disguise her bodily noises. I quickly hightailed it out of there for fear that my theory was correct.
Did you know? Statistics show that in a 24-hour period, a male on average passes gas 15-17 times versus a females 8-9 times. Wow! 15-17 farts…that’s enough to blow up a small balloon! Application wise girls, better think twice before challenging the opposite sex to a farting duel. Secondly, it's no wonder guys are so open about farting in public whereas girls would rather drop dead and die than admit that they pass gas.
Also, have you ever wondered how come we sometimes can’t smell our own farts, meanwhile our neighbours are changing colour admist gagging for air? Well, after the first 2 minutes, farts become odourless to our noses, on top of which, farts can travel as far as 15 metres and the smell can linger for up to five minutes! This reminds me of a movie where there was a super hero named Mr. Spleen whose super power was passing the most deadliest gas known to man.
Last but not least, which one are you???
The Blanket-Ripping Farter - One who farts in bed and puts his or her head under the blanket to savour the smell.
The Dutch-Oven Farter - One who farts in bed and then holds his or her partner's head beneath the bedclothes.
The Couldn't-Care-Less Farter - One who farts loudly in public.
The Foolish Farter - One who suppresses a fart for hours one end.
The Honest Farter - One who openly admits he or she has farted.
The Impudent Farter - One who farts loudly and then laughs.
The Red-Card Farter - One who is identified as having let out a particularly foul fart that warrants his immediate evacuation from a public place.
In closing, as my dad puts it, “Answer the nature call” ‘cause when you gotta, you gotta. It’s much better than holding it until you explode all at once. Finally, if you’re in public and someone asks, just be honest enough to admit it. That’s all.
posted by Elaine at Wednesday, July 10, 2002
Tuesday, June 18, 2002
The 411 on Hair Removal
Want to be smooth and sleek, or just well-groomed? Whatever your reasoning, I’m sure all post-pubescents have at one point in their lives, stared into a mirror and thought to themselves, “When’d that get there?” Yes, although we’d rather it never happened to us, unwanted body hair grows in the strangest of places – bikini line, between one’s eyebrows, upper lip, arms and legs, and underarms. So, in response, marketers have developed dozens of hair removal systems; epilators, high-precision razors, electric shavers, tweezers, waxes, depilatories, and more. Today, I’ll look at three of the most common methods: depilatories or creams, waxing, and the good ‘ol fashioned razor.
Depilatories are cheap acidic products, which literally melt the hair. Two examples I’ve had the misfortune of trying are Nair and Epil Stop Plus (as seen on TV!). Although quick and painless, both stink of chemicals and can be known to cause skin irritations or rashes. Moreover, what the people of Nair don’t say is that after a short time, the hair grows back darker and coarser than before!
In waxing, a wax combination is spread thinly over the skin. Next, a cloth strip is pressed on the top and then ripped off with a quick movement removing the wax along with the hair and dead skin cells leaving the skin smooth. My recommendation is to get a friend who you trust to help; I still recall my friend’s expression of utter horror when I tore the cloth strip off her armpit. - Surely a feat she could not have done alone. Also, waxing has been known to cause skin to react with redness and bumps.
Perhaps the most common method of hair removal, and the one I prefer, is the dependable foam and razor. [Shameless plug: try the Venus razor (comes with blades that secrete aloes and skin conditioners while you shave) and Gillette shaving gel.] Although it’s inexpensive and doesn’t remove layers of skin each time, with razors, stubble reappears quickly, and users may suffer irritation if the shaver is not kept clean.
In closing, whatever method you choose, its highly recommended following up with a hair inhibitor, which will prevent hair from growing back indefinitely. Unlike depilatories, inhibitors are completely natural and gentle on the skin. Hopefully, with these tips, we can all look forward to a hairless summer!
posted by Elaine at Tuesday, June 18, 2002
Friday, June 14, 2002
Over bubble tea, the topic of blogging came up. In response, I've also created a "journal" blog which I promise will be updated regularly. Something more for those procrastinators at work. Visit me!
posted by Elaine at Friday, June 14, 2002
Wednesday, June 12, 2002
Walking Down the Aisle
“Dum dum de dah, dum dum de dah…” I’m sure we’ve all heard it about half a dozen times if not more; the oh-so famous “Wedding March” by Felix Mendelssohn. A time of tossing - everything out the window that is. Let’s see… there’s the rice, the garter, the bouquet, and of course, single hood, because once you’ve walked down that aisle and said your “I do”, it’s a done deal. But is it really all that bad?
After celebrating a friend’s Bridle shower this past weekend, it dawned on me how differently men and women react to the idea of getting married. Now don’t get me wrong here, this isn’t to say that ALL men are afraid of commitment and ALL women are just dying to tie the knot, just so we’re clear here. Yet, why is it that when a woman announces her engagement, everyone congratulates her and asks to see the ring, yet when a guy makes a similar announcement, all his buddies are consoling him? Is it just me or don’t you find this a bit odd?
Along the same lines, once the wedding date has been set, it’s usually us woman who take over planning the entire wedding. This past weekend, I noticed that another engaged friend of mine had a massive collection of wedding magazines on her coffee table with post it notes on select pages depicting the perfect dress, the perfect hair, the perfect make up etc. for her special day. Is it because men would rather sit back and let the bride-to-be do all the work or is it because they believe that that we’d prefer they stay out of the way? Surprisingly, from what I’ve observed, I’ve never heard a woman complain that her fiancé wasn’t helping with the wedding planning. In fact, believe it or not, most women would rather the groom-to-be stayed out of it entirely besides getting fitted for the tux and attending rehearsal.
In closing, when it’s your turn to walk down that aisle, just remember that men and women think differently about weddings. Men might see it as one more rite of passage before achieving full adulthood, whereas, us women see it as something we’ve been planning all our lives, all our hopes and dreams; we want it to be absolutely perfect! I thought I'd end this blog off with a lovely poem I found about weddings.
Marriage Views
First, marriage should be love
all encompassing, total, and free.
Love that grows stronger each day
soft murmurs of Thee, Thee, Thee.
Second, marriage should be sacrifice
giving of self, regardless of reward.
Gift gladly given, with open heart
shielded from life's harsh sword.
Third, marriage should be commitment
utter loyalty, deep to the bone.
Absolutely, no questions asked
faithfully promised, never alone.
Lastly, marriage should be forever
family bonded, yet all still free.
Lives joined with love, sacrifice, and commitment
an eternity promised with -
Thee, Thee, Thee
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